half

and by "some of his friends" he really means half of this bike club.

Glass half full, Joby: "perennially involved."

Modern mating rituals are, to the untrained eye, a world of uncertainty and risk. But fear not! When in doubt, go back to the basics.

Eschew complicated cultural rituals, and just be direct and to the point. Use a mating ritual.

As honed by our primate ancestors the following *is* the human mating ritual for the role of the male. Perform this flawlessly, and you will be swimming in the ladies.


1)Identify your object of desire, and ideally await a moment when she is more-or-less separated from the pack.

2)From a distance of about 20 feet away, begin snorting softly, and start walking purposefully to her, increasing speed until you are at a dead run

3)At PRECISELY 6.35 feet from where she is standing, come to a DEAD stop. by this time, you will have eye contact.

4)Orient your head such that, using the eye level and direction of your mating interest as a reference, YOUR eyes are oriented UP at an angle of 15.34 degrees, and to YOUR LEFT at an angle of 64.992 degrees.

Now, these numbers are determined after thousands of observations, so don't get *too* worried about hitting them precisely - they should be used as guides for you to refine your technique.

At this point, your lady's interest will be solely affixed upon you. Don't worry. She is evaluating your reproductive ability based on how well you perform the following actions:

5)Maintaining the same angle with your eyes (and if necessary turn your head to do this), stomp purposefully with your right foot, while lightly dragging your LEFT foot, as you make your way around in a circle, with your love interest in the middle. Also, to ensure that she is aware that this is DEFINITELY a ritual for HER, make sure to grunt out in an "uhff! Chuff!" sound, repeating whilst circumnavigating.

NEVER APPROACH CLOSER than the 6.35 foot distance that you originally stopped your initial approach! To do so would end the ritual with you losing your love interest, and all nearby males tearing you to shreds. No pressure.

6)Once you have completed 2 circumnavigations, stop, stop with your right foot, then with your left. Dip your head and bring it back up swiftly, regaining eye contact.

If her pupils have dialated to .24 inches, Congratulations! She's definitely interested. However, if they have not dialated to AT LEAST .19 inches, well, you better run fast because once she emits her pain scream, all males within a 100 foot radius will attempt to kill you.


No pressure, and good luck!

Monica, you're fired. *Rogelio* and I will offer pointers on maintaining stable and drama free romantic relationships.

Was there a thread once upon a time about waxing/waterproofing a cotton/canvas jacket?
If not, what's the s.o.p. for this?

and by "some of his friends" he really means half of this bike club.

Dear Joe,

I'm trying to figure out what I should do about sunscreen. I want to prevent both cancer and aging but don't want to slather something on myself every day that causes a different kind of cancer. And, I am concerned about preventing myself from producing any vitamin D in the long, sad Seattle winters.

Historically, I have used a chemical, absorbing sunscreen every day, but I'm concerned about animal studies linking them to cancer. I would switch to natural physical blocker sunscreens, but there are concerns about the nanoparticles and the cancer.

What should I be using to minimize the cancer and the wrinkles?

Sincerely,
Getting Older and Paler in Seattle

p.s. Does sunscreen even prevent melanoma?

Please phrase your new question in the form of a question to Joe. Something along the lines of say, Dear Joe.

This isn't 'Nam Smokey, there are rules.

goddammit. it's like we're a people without a nation.

Dear Joe,

I'm trying to figure out what I should do about sunscreen. I want to prevent both cancer and aging but don't want to slather something on myself every day that causes a different kind of cancer. And, I am concerned about preventing myself from producing any vitamin D in the long, sad Seattle winters.

Historically, I have used a chemical, absorbing sunscreen every day, but I'm concerned about animal studies linking them to cancer. I would switch to natural physical blocker sunscreens, but there are concerns about the nanoparticles and the cancer.

What should I be using to minimize the cancer and the wrinkles?

Sincerely,
Getting Older and Paler in Seattle

p.s. Does sunscreen even prevent melanoma?

I use Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture with sunscreen SPF 15 every morning but I am vain and want to minimize wrinkles and sun spots.

Seriously. You'd think that now he's married, Derrick might have some time to fix the TOS.

I'd also like to hack out our css and make a responsive mobile version of the forum. really dumb it down for an easy mobile experience.

Psht. Half the club is married now.

Hack? CSS? What is this, 2009?! J/k, but you think some sort of resilient, cloud-based CRM system might make sense... it's 2014 for chrissakes!

lets not go down this road. its going to get weird.

I wholly agree with Scott!

Plus it would be really hard to update and maintain.