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the dreaded ben

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:22 pm

Grumpy Greeb Joined: 20 Aug 2005 Posts: 5329 Location: flavor country

i just shit so big it is literally to wide to go down the hole in my toilet.
and now i'm freaking out cause there ain't no way "his browness" is a gettin gone.

sorry. i just had to tell someone. namely paul.

lieutenantsean

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:25 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

poke it with a stick or something.

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dennyt

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:26 pm

rocket mechanic Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 2708

Thanks for sharing. Asshat.

henry

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:31 pm

somewhat piggish Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 5415 Location: on porch with shotgun

fucking awesome.

i had an awesome PWS (paid work shit) today. It made me smile.

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winter men

terrydean

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:36 pm

rocker boi Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: santa fe, i think

http://lamecity.livejournal.com

You'll find an illustrated example of what is needed to be done. Just scroll down the page a little ways.

*edit*

langston

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:44 pm

Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 5547 Location: Columbia City

henry wrote:

fucking awesome.

i had an awesome PWS (paid work shit) today. It made me smile.

I've trained my bowels to deliever the PWS twice a day. 9:30am and 3:30pm. Not suprisingly these times are about 30 min after I finish my twice-daily coffee dosege.

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riders wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.

Jace

Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:27 pm

Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 601 Location: Seattle

Try using a butter knife

Razi

Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 2:44 pm

Joined: 16 Dec 2005 Posts: 866 Location: Seattle

If this turns into a trend, let me know.

My brother some time ago had the same problem, and my father dealt with it by welding a steak knife blade to the end of a steel rod so my brother could cut up the shit before flushing.

We might still have "the device" somewhere (it was never used; intead that kid started eating about a pound of prunes every day).

You could also consider boosting your fiber intake. I once ate most of a straw hat at burning man because I was tired of it taking more than ten minutes to sling a deuce.

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a new enemy has invaded our shores...

henry

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:43 pm

somewhat piggish Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 5415 Location: on porch with shotgun

I sharted really bad this morning. Had to change my manties and everything. Good thing i hadn't left home yet.

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winter men

Spealunker

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:50 pm

sarge Joined: 08 Sep 2005 Posts: 308 Location: Fort Bragg NC

I was out in the feild one National Guard weekend when we got one "brown 2" report.

Report as followed:

Sapper 6 sapper 23 over

sapper 23 sapper 6 go ahead

Sapper 6 sapper 23 "Brown 2" report as follows, 14in laying east west in light brush. Largest documented this far how copy over.......

Thank God for MRE's

lieutenantsean

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 4:58 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

One of your PL's sent this to your commander????

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Spealunker

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 5:01 pm

sarge Joined: 08 Sep 2005 Posts: 308 Location: Fort Bragg NC

Yup....Fuckin Engeneers

gregas

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 5:09 pm

Joined: 04 Aug 2005 Posts: 260 Location: seattle

I just got back from Guatemala on Saturday... Today was my first solid brown buddy in 7 days!

The first 5 days I was there I didn't make anything, then moved to shitting Montana for the next week. After that.... It went downhill. er downstream?

lieutenantsean

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 8:02 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Spealunker wrote:

Yup....Fuckin Engeneers

I don't know what the hell my 6 would do. Either laugh his ass off or smack me upside the head for acting like a choad on the radio. Maybe both.

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joby

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 8:06 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

Ahh. Guns. Military Jargon. Big Poops.

For a while there was a "Rule" in the Bluetooth team that you had to:

Smoke Cigarettes
Drive a giant truck
Own lots of guns
Or
Be Italian

We had one guy who managed all 4.
I squeaked by with my Suburban.

leah

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:45 pm

elder Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 594 Location: The Bucket

joby wrote:

joby, were you once military?

(over and over do i realize how little i know of everyone.)

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Aaron

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:16 pm

Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 4645

leah wrote:

joby, were you once military?

(over and over do i realize how little i know of everyone.)

Why do you think we always say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

leah

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:20 pm

elder Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 594 Location: The Bucket

Aaron wrote:

leah wrote:

joby, were you once military?

(over and over do i realize how little i know of everyone.)

Why do you think we always say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

like i'm hip enough to even know what that means, aaron. *shakes head*

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putting the gay back into gangsta.

Aaron

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:34 pm

Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 4645

WTF = What the Fuck. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot = Militaryeese for WTF

I was just joking wich, ya.

Joby in the military?! That was funny! Guy can't even do a push up!

joby

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 11:06 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

leah wrote:

joby wrote:

joby, were you once military?

(over and over do i realize how little i know of everyone.)

Nope.

My mom told me she'd respect any decision I ever made, except IV drugs and military service.

My life so far:
Rural Oregon: 1975 - 1990. Learned to ride a bike and fix a flat. Climbed trees. Caught salamanders.

College in Oregon: 1990 - 1992. Learned to write computer programs. Rode my bike.

Seattle: 1992 - present. work. Traveled a whole bunch for work. made a couple babies. Ride my bike.

lieutenantsean

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:12 am

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Quote:

My mom told me she'd respect any decision I ever made, except IV drugs and military service.

Because god knows military people don't deserve any respect.

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Pat McCrotch

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:37 pm

poops in the dark Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 163 Location: East Compton (U Dist)

the dreaded ben wrote:

Hey Ben I appreciate you thinking of me in the midst of a toilet clogging dump. I just hope you had the decency to drop your kid off in the dark otherwise I am thouroghly upset.

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Henry eats asscicles

henry

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:41 pm

somewhat piggish Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 5415 Location: on porch with shotgun

Pat McCrotch wrote:

I just hope you had the decency to drop your kid off in the dark otherwise I am thouroghly upset.

Does your new place of employment offer you the cover of darkness for PWSs?

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winter men

Pat McCrotch

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:49 pm

poops in the dark Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 163 Location: East Compton (U Dist)

henry wrote:

Pat McCrotch wrote:

I just hope you had the decency to drop your kid off in the dark otherwise I am thouroghly upset.

Does your new place of employment offer you the cover of darkness for PWSs?

PWS's? I assume this has something to do with droppin a duece. When I started they had this stupid night light thing so I couldn't poo under cover of darkness, so I had to tell them I had a psychological disorder prohibiting me from pooping with the lights on. So in accordance with the Americans with Disabilities Act they had to take ouw their stupid night light. So to answer your question yes I can feel the comfort of pooping in the dark and I still enjoy it.

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Henry eats asscicles

joby

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:22 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

lieutenantsean wrote:

Quote:

My mom told me she'd respect any decision I ever made, except IV drugs and military service.

Because god knows military people don't deserve any respect.

Sorry. It's not how I feel. Just telling you what mom said.

I've had Junkie frinds also, btw.

henry

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:24 pm

somewhat piggish Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 5415 Location: on porch with shotgun

joby wrote:

I've had Junkie frinds also, btw.

Ace?

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winter men

Stanglor

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:26 pm

Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Posts: 555 Location: Wallingford

joby wrote:

Sorry. It's not how I feel. Just telling you what mom said.

I've had Junkie frinds also, btw.

Talk about a backhanded compliment...not that I think it was intended as such. Still, kinda funny.

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lieutenantsean

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:36 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Quote:

Sorry. It's not how I feel. Just telling you what mom said.

Wasn't a dig at you Joby.

I just found it funny, ironic and a little annoying that your mom would place military service in the same category as IV drug use.

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lieutenantsean

Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:43 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Just before I left for Desert Storm, a fellow drunk at a bar in oakland offered to help me desert and escape to Canada, then apply for asylum (like Canada would've wanted me).

At least, I think he was drunk.

About the same time, there was still a contingent of hardcore anti-war protesters around. I spent a bit of time up in Berkeley back then. This exchange actually happened:

Them: How many babies did you kill today?

Me: Only one, I never kill more than I can eat.

The pause after my remark gave me a good opportunity to leave. Nothing else good could come of that conversation.

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seaden

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:41 pm

Joined: 09 Dec 2005 Posts: 397 Location: CapHill

it's a whole forum of my brothers!! my brother talks so much about shitting it annoys me to hell. I was at a mall one time with him and when a huge group of people came walking by us, he said "man I really need to take a dump"....he does this constantly...more so when I'm around:/ big brothers...what can ya do?!

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lieutenantsean

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:43 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Talking about shitting is important for men.

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seaden

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 2:51 pm

Joined: 09 Dec 2005 Posts: 397 Location: CapHill

and telling me "denise...listen...I've got something important for you to hear..." *FAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRTTT* is important too....well it makes me laugh..so that's good I guess...it just smells REALLY horrible.

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lieutenantsean

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:00 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Quote:

it just smells REALLY horrible.

That's the whole point. A fart without the smell is just a mildly amusing air leak. With the smell it's fucking hilarious.

As Jeff Foxworthy said. Men and women appreciate smells differently.

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joby

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:02 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

lieutenantsean wrote:

Quote:

it just smells REALLY horrible.

That's the whole point. A fart without the smell is just a mildly amusing air leak. With the smell it's fucking hilarious.

As Jeff Foxworthy said. Men and women appreciate smells differently.

Just as Ben imposed a Dilbert ban on me, I feel it necessary to impose a Jeff Foxworthy ban on you.

dennyt

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:02 pm

rocket mechanic Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 2708

That's a slippery slope we don't want to start down...

Because we have 'standards'...

lieutenantsean

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:04 pm

Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 1255

Sorry dude, them's my people.

I am descended from rednecks, moonshiners and trailer trash.

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terrydean

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:58 pm

rocker boi Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: santa fe, i think

I saw Jeff Foxworthy live with Box Car Willie back when I was living in Missouri in the early 90's or so.. that was awesome.

dennyt

Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:00 pm

rocket mechanic Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 2708

Yeah... when you were 12.

pete jr

Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:35 pm

Joined: 13 Dec 2005 Posts: 1930 Location: balls deepx

If you google for "paid work shit" (in quotes, so for the phrase), this thread is the only result.

Just thought everyone should know.

gsbarnes

Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:43 pm

Joined: 15 Aug 2006 Posts: 2666 Location: No Fun Town, USA

Googlewhacks are so 2006.

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