Joined: 25 Jul 2005Posts: 5547Location: Columbia City
langston wrote:
zuvembi wrote:
langston wrote:
The south loop was great fun, minus the part where the bike-gods slapped me for calling out a bogus flat-tire stop to pee by giving me a BS thorn flat 10 minutes later.
Feh, I don't know what you're complaining about. You didn't have to change your own flat. In fact, I recall you partaking of intoxicants while BtAH changed it.
only because BtAH was all "who has the flat? I'll change it". I'm not going to fight that logic!
Foo
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:43 pm
Joined: 27 Jul 2007Posts: 583
The denouement of my first Point 83 ride:
So, after taking off from Shorty's, I wobbled over to the bus stop like a half-blind geriatric and hobbled onto the bus doing my best Quasimodo impression, my knee having been Tonya Harding-ed by a most cunning cycloambush by "Mad Max" Laura as detailed above.
I was immediately struck by the strange demeanor of the other riders. Having been on a number of late night bus rides, I have always been well-versed in the unwritten code of the late-night bus-riding outcast/freak: never make eye contact. It doesn't matter if someone has a flaming tarantula on their face, you just keep your thousand yard stare focussed on the nearest gum stain on the floor - acknowledging your fellow humans is strictly verboten. Instead, everyone was surreptitiously stealing glances at me with strange expressions on their faces.
It took about half the ride before I looked up and saw my reflection in the window: hair askew in a Calvinesque triple mohawk of helmet styling, clothes sweat-crusted and disheveled and reeking of perspiration and stale beer so strongly I could swear I saw the looming miasma enveloping my reflection like a Djinni of putrescence.
I realized at that moment that the looks I was getting from my fellow riders - even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands - these people, these midnight thirty bus riders - the flotsam and jetsam of our fair metropolis - were looks of withering pity. They thought I was some sort of goddamned hobo or child molester or hobo child molester or something.
My name is Dan and I am a point eighty three success story.
See you all tonight at CM and next Thursday!
zuvembi
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:56 pm
Joined: 24 Jul 2005Posts: 942Location: Little Addis Ababa
Foo wrote:
The denouement of my first Point 83 ride:
So, after taking off from Shorty's, I wobbled over to the bus stop like a half-blind geriatric and hobbled onto the bus doing my best Quasimodo impression, my knee having been Tonya Harding-ed by a most cunning cycloambush by "Mad Max" Laura as detailed above.
[snipped for brevity]
I realized at that moment that the looks I was getting from my fellow riders - even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands - these people, these midnight thirty bus riders - the flotsam and jetsam of our fair metropolis - were looks of withering pity. They thought I was some sort of goddamned hobo or child molester or hobo child molester or something.
My name is Dan and I am a point eighty three success story.
See you all tonight at CM and next Thursday!
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
_________________ When the revolution comes, we're going to need a longer wall
n_claw
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:02 pm
Joined: 02 Jul 2007Posts: 517Location: the only hill: Beacon
zuvembi wrote:
Foo wrote:
The denouement of my first Point 83 ride:
So, after taking off from Shorty's, I wobbled over to the bus stop like a half-blind geriatric and hobbled onto the bus doing my best Quasimodo impression, my knee having been Tonya Harding-ed by a most cunning cycloambush by "Mad Max" Laura as detailed above.
[snipped for brevity]
I realized at that moment that the looks I was getting from my fellow riders - even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands - these people, these midnight thirty bus riders - the flotsam and jetsam of our fair metropolis - were looks of withering pity. They thought I was some sort of goddamned hobo or child molester or hobo child molester or something.
My name is Dan and I am a point eighty three success story.
See you all tonight at CM and next Thursday!
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
2nded. i think it also should inspire a "my first ride..." write for us n00bs. fuck, everyone. go!
-N*
the dreaded ben
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:05 pm
Grumpy GreebJoined: 20 Aug 2005Posts: 5329Location: flavor country
zuvembi wrote:
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
45.
i'll assume you're using the metric equivalent of unqualifiable scoring systems.
Foo
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:06 pm
Joined: 27 Jul 2007Posts: 583
I would have posted this sooner but the donkey-dick fellating admins took forever to validate my account.
Sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: +5 points
50 points FTW!
langston
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:07 pm
Joined: 25 Jul 2005Posts: 5547Location: Columbia City
the dreaded ben wrote:
45.
i'll assume you're using the metric equivalent of unqualifiable scoring systems.
twas more entertaining than YOUR first post, BtAH.
"ooh oooh, pick me. my mom says i can go."
bah
Joe
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:19 pm
Joined: 15 Feb 2007Posts: 430
zuvembi wrote:
Foo wrote:
The denouement of my first Point 83 ride:
So, after taking off from Shorty's, I wobbled over to the bus stop like a half-blind geriatric and hobbled onto the bus doing my best Quasimodo impression, my knee having been Tonya Harding-ed by a most cunning cycloambush by "Mad Max" Laura as detailed above.
[snipped for brevity]
I realized at that moment that the looks I was getting from my fellow riders - even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands - these people, these midnight thirty bus riders - the flotsam and jetsam of our fair metropolis - were looks of withering pity. They thought I was some sort of goddamned hobo or child molester or hobo child molester or something.
My name is Dan and I am a point eighty three success story.
See you all tonight at CM and next Thursday!
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
Methinks the post was a bit overwrought. This man is clearly new to the experience of being a smelly and stained outcast, and has thus not found an authentic voice thru which to convey the experience. HOWEVER, his story was very amusing, and it won't take too many more nights like that one before he achieves true narrative excellence--that is, unless he's a big sally and stops coming out to ride.
laura
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:29 pm
Joined: 22 Jun 2007Posts: 1050Location: wherever the dance party is
n_claw wrote:
zuvembi wrote:
Foo wrote:
The denouement of my first Point 83 ride:
So, after taking off from Shorty's, I wobbled over to the bus stop like a half-blind geriatric and hobbled onto the bus doing my best Quasimodo impression, my knee having been Tonya Harding-ed by a most cunning cycloambush by "Mad Max" Laura as detailed above.
[snipped for brevity]
I realized at that moment that the looks I was getting from my fellow riders - even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands - these people, these midnight thirty bus riders - the flotsam and jetsam of our fair metropolis - were looks of withering pity. They thought I was some sort of goddamned hobo or child molester or hobo child molester or something.
My name is Dan and I am a point eighty three success story.
See you all tonight at CM and next Thursday!
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
2nded. i think it also should inspire a "my first ride..." write for us n00bs. fuck, everyone. go!
-N*
I 2nd this - new thread?
Eric_s
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:29 pm
Joined: 07 Mar 2007Posts: 1691Location: the dirty south
Joe wrote:
zuvembi wrote:
Foo wrote:
[snipped for brevity]
CUT
Methinks the post was a bit overwrought. This man is clearly new to the experience of being a smelly and stained outcast, and has thus not found an authentic voice thru which to convey the experience. HOWEVER, his story was very amusing, and it won't take too many more nights like that one before he achieves true narrative excellence--that is, unless he's a big sally and stops coming out to ride.
I ride my bike home after the rides, instead of the bus. Then, people look at me funny because I have one eye shut and problems staying in my lane, but at least I'm not riding the Bus.
Last edited by Eric_s on Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
surlykat
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:29 pm
Joined: 05 Jul 2007Posts: 658Location: in the CD
Foo wrote:
- even the lumpy albino and the small goateed man with STAR WARS tattooed across his knuckles with a TIE fighter accompaniment on the backs of his hands -
i need to meet this man.
or not.
glad you had a good time, welcome to the <s>cult</s> team.
zuvembi
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:33 pm
Joined: 24 Jul 2005Posts: 942Location: Little Addis Ababa
Foo wrote:
I would have posted this sooner but the donkey-dick fellating admins took forever to validate my account.
Sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: +5 points
50 points FTW!
FAIL!
While fellating generally falls under sodomy:
No horse phalluses were mentioned in your post.
Donkey != Horse.
I'm sorry, you'll just have to be content with your score of 45.
the dreaded ben wrote:
zuvembi wrote:
Post score:
Excellent literary styling: 12 points
Mentions Hobos: 8 points
References classical literature: 6 points
Involved an injury acquired on the ride: 24 points
No sodomy or horse phalluses mentioned: -5 points
Total: 45 points
I nominate this for the best .83 first post evAr.
45.
i'll assume you're using the metric equivalent of unqualifiable scoring systems.
Absolutely, adapted from a long tradition of grading trolls on USENET. Only the finest quantified unquantifiable numerical phlogiston powered numismatic asthmatic ramblings for my fine customers.
One dollar per post concerning numerology and eschatological doings and that's cutting me own throat.
_________________ When the revolution comes, we're going to need a longer wall
Foo
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 1:57 pm
Joined: 27 Jul 2007Posts: 583
surly:
He had a shaved head and the stature, dress and posture of one of the seven Dwarves from the Disney Snow White.
His mood seemed to oscillate between emotionally dead and seething with a burning inner rage in preparation to go postal.
Hope this helps in your determination of whether you want to meet this fellow.
PS: thanks for the ibuprofin!
zuvembi:
KHAAAAANNNNN!!!!!
Last edited by Foo on Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
surlykat
Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:09 pm
Joined: 05 Jul 2007Posts: 658Location: in the CD
zuvembi wrote:
Almost made me squirt vitamin water out my nose. That is golden.
laura
Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:11 pm
Joined: 22 Jun 2007Posts: 1050Location: wherever the dance party is
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