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joby

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:30 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

I'd like each of you to write a short essay describing what you learned in Portland.

I'll start:

-You don't want to get in the bed Derrick used last night
-There are hills in Portland
-If the club is in the city limits, it won't really be high mileage
-Keep at it, eventually you'll see the couch
-If you ask nicely, Cory can make anything happen
-Spring Break!

Kyleen

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 4:03 pm

might have vagina, unconfirmed Joined: 06 Jan 2010 Posts: 948 Location: Space pirate ship manned by dinosaurs

Things I learned:
- The best way to utilize a one way street at 4am in the morning is to ride 4 abreast, one per lane.
- 24 hour hottub is probably a lie. aka: Don't listen to derrick.
- Strippers smell like vanilla and broken dreams.
- You can drink on the sidewalk in front of bars.
- Bus shelters make great places to ride out the rain, especially if you brought enough beer for everyone (portlanders included).
- Stop by the artisan well in Olympia on the way back for tasty water. It really is the water.

langston

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 5:43 pm

Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 5547 Location: Columbia City

Things I learned in Portland

- All strippers have a butterfly tattooed somewhere on their body
- In all the times I've been to Portland, no one has ever taken me to Hawthorne St before.
- If you are in the middle of a crowded theater and feel the urge to vomit, just will yourself to go to a happy place until you can get outside. Then puke on a car and lay next to your friends' bikes until you're able to rally.
- Timbers fans will buckle in the face of proper heckling and play nice.
- You can always eat more

_________________
riders wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.

bott

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 6:10 pm

will kill you in your sleep Joined: 27 Jul 2005 Posts: 868 Location: Landlandia

-"I'm not from here... FUCK YOUR CITY!"
-pill roulette
-don't punch the stripper in the mouth if she has braces.

Rogelio

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 7:58 pm

Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 3092 Location: Pos, aya, por la Corona-Alta-Madera y que no.

bott wrote:

-don't punch the stripper in the mouth if she has braces.

Someone didn't attend that seminar:

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Rogelio

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:13 pm

Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 3092 Location: Pos, aya, por la Corona-Alta-Madera y que no.

-A nice warm bath is an excellent way to relax after an evening of binge drinking and biking.
-Back injuries are temporary, lolz are forever.
-While efficient, the human forearm is not a sustainable braking surface.

Last edited by Rogelio on Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:23 pm; edited 2 times in total
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bunny

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:18 pm

Joined: 04 Sep 2008 Posts: 86

what on earth would compel her to punch a stripper in the mouth?

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-Ben (no, not that one)

fourfingersdown

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:26 pm

r.w. = rainn wilson! Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 1078 Location: NOT FUCKING ENGLAND

bunny wrote:

what on earth would compel her to punch a stripper in the mouth?

I think the stripper's name was "riding your bike while wasted" I think.

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G*retch

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:57 pm

Yankee Whore Joined: 04 Sep 2007 Posts: 208 Location: Ballard

1. Double check the rack.
2. Don't trust Derrick.
3. Don't punch strippers with braces.
4. Always wear a helmet..Even when in Portland.
5. Always make travel arrangements in advance.
6. Don't let Jobey out of your sight.
7. Rogelio is hairy.
8. If you can't see the couch, smoke more.
9. Screen Door does have the best bloody marys ever.
10. Don't trust Derrick.

tehschkott

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:55 pm

daywalker Joined: 09 Nov 2007 Posts: 6108 Location: Hatertown

1. Spring Break
2. Rubber side down
3. If you can't see the couch, you haven't smoked enough
4. By the time you've seen the couch, you don't need the couch anymore
5. Jumping the Shark vs Growing The Beard
6. Monkey bars make the strip club
7. Creepin!
8. Angry Miles gets things done. Passive Aggressive Miles isn't helpful at all.
9. Sometimes the lap dances we buy for you, aren't for you. They're for us.
10. Play your cards right and you MIGHT get a ride on Jon Grover's rack. To a strip club.
11. Don't bring a knife to a gunfight, 8 year olds fight dirty. Arm yourself accordingly.
12. Spring break

Last edited by tehschkott on Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:13 am; edited 1 time in total
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joby

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:23 pm

goes to eleven Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 3899 Location: The Cloud

Oh! I forgot:

- They won't let you in to the strip club if you're bleeding.

jsmg

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:44 pm

baby bear Joined: 23 Aug 2009 Posts: 843 Location: your mom

1) I break bikes.
2) Filmmaking is among Dave's numerous talents.
3) Carrying a person on your rear rack is easier than it sounds.
4) I am Yog'shurrath, He Who Sings The Song That Ends The Bicycle Wheel.
5) Joby is pretty good at fellating pickles.
6) Scott really doesn't want me to get a lap dance with his girlfriend.
7) Hey, Portland is pretty fun to ride in!
8) You're all pretty excellent folks. Mostly.
9) Miles remembers a LOT more about the Cuddle Couch than I do.
10) No, really. I break bikes.

the dreaded ben

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:05 am

Grumpy Greeb Joined: 20 Aug 2005 Posts: 5329 Location: flavor country

gross

sorahn

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:02 am

i'll eat your pussy like alf (11yo) Joined: 15 Oct 2009 Posts: 464 Location: Beacon Hill

1. don't stay in the 'couve
2. don't punch strippers
3. Ally's boobs are not a storage area.
4. Voodoo donuts will help you retaliate.
5. spring break.
6. high milage strip clubs are way out there... think airport.
7. pretty sure i saw that couch, or was it the street.
8. Rogelio is good at stopping without his brakes.
9. "I think you should hold on... to me." -Jon
10. girls that don't like me love it when I hang out real close behind them and just stare.
11. there's always an extra seat next to me.

_________________
-daryl
-carpe noctem-

-jason

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:38 am

Command-Line Kidd Joined: 17 Feb 2009 Posts: 260 Location: The Internet

Current aviation issues plaguing Europe can be easily resolved with pantyhose. Adjust your stock portfolios accordingly.

alexandrab

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:32 am

Joined: 21 Aug 2009 Posts: 186 Location: the hill

Portland taught me that:

1. Tittledrunk talks like Werner Herzog.
2. Gretchen rides a ninja bike.
3. C-line loves a lap dance.
4. If you spend five and a half hours at the Screen Door, they will bring you a plate of pickled okra for free. Assuming you ask real nice.

_________________
"You paint, for example, an indeterminate red; and some cry at the sight of this indeterminate red because they think of a rose, and others, because they think of a child lacerated by bombs and streaming with blood."

jsmg

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:48 am

baby bear Joined: 23 Aug 2009 Posts: 843 Location: your mom

Here's something I think we ALL learned (and I know it's already been stated, but...):

On-freeway bike accidents? Bloodying spills? Gretchen doesn't give a FUCK. She's going to party like a rock star and kick a little ass. Hide your whiskey and your strippers, folks!

margaret

Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:13 pm

Joined: 30 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: bellingham

Quote:

5) Joby is pretty good at fellating pickles.

gross

Chip McShoulder

Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 8:55 am

dog licking ice cream cone Joined: 11 Aug 2008 Posts: 3022 Location: Rainbow Road

* Joby ruins pictures.
* Spring break.
* Donuts with bacon are much like cake. They are a lie.
* Drinking on the sidewalk is pretty awesome.
* Don't tell Derrick he's balding, or he'll let you roll around in puke.
* Pace yourself.

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derrickito

Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 9:38 am

now with 50 percent more EVIL Joined: 22 Jul 2005 Posts: 10566

im going bald?!?!

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