Kickstarter fucktardery Fix it, repair it, how do I do it, what's the best part to use, and now: how do I get there?

[lantius]

<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/461813706/the-recycle-worlds-first-100-recycled-aluminum-bik?ref=category">The ReCycle: World's First 100%-Recycled-Aluminum Bikes</a>

<blockquote>We took out the seat tube because it’s not necessary and just looks so damn cool. It’s probably as simple as that. Plus, why do the same when you can do different and better? That’s a pretty decent life motto as far as we’re concerned.

Dropouts
Why the hole in the dropout? Because it’s cool. Yep, that’s really it.
</blockquote>
<img src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/ksr/assets/000/274/774/ddaa3793f6cbdaa1315e263d5f8ace27_large.png?1353573264">

[Rogelio]

They needed to take out metal elsewhere to justify the added "panache" on the forks.

[jimmythefly]

Holy shit I need to start a Kickstarter project.

Concept: Semi-custom recycled bicycles (where "recycled" refers only to the frame/fork). $1500 pledge gets a supporter the a complete bike.

Semi-custom means the supporter tells me approximately what size frame they ride, and what style of bike they want. Then I go buy a frame off ebay/craigslist/bikeworks and build it up.

And, not only is my concept a fully-recycled frame, I'm also even greener because I haven't incurred any impact via the sourcing/grinding/melting/re-forming of aluminum tubes.

I will also have 2x overpriced t-shirts and waterbottles for supporters who don't want a bike. These will be sourced from the goodwill, and will have my logo stenciled on.

[Chip McShoulder]

For $2500, you can buy a prototype gallon of my exciting new active-lifestyle energy soda, SuicideXXX (made with a proprietary blend of Pepsi, diet Pepsi, Red Bull, root beer, Mt. Dew, 5-hour Energy, and Orange Fanta).

$3500 will get you a gallon of soda and an ice-cube tray.

$4500 gets you the gallon, the ice-cube tray, and a leftover thank-you card from my sister's wedding.

$5500, and I will add a coat of metallic spray paint to the ice-cube tray.

[lantius]

<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/fabioputzolu/fabike-the-flexibly-adjustable-bike">Three high-end bicycles, in one.</a>
<blockquote>Only with a FABIKE you will be able to have three bicycles in one. We took the best from a fixed gear bike, a road bike, and a city bike and we put them together to obtain a bicycle with a wider range of usage. No matter if your city is flat or hilly, no matter if your road is smooth or rough, no matter if you feel like riding aggressively or leisurely, the FABIKE will always be able to adjust according to your wishes, needs or mood.</blockquote>

Only! It can be any bike you want, as long as it doesn't need to have fenders or water bottles. It has "GROUND BRAKING DROPOUTS", which is a deal for a complete bike at only $2990.
<img src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/ksr/assets/000/232/058/e3bfac54b808d511520f456840c0c844_large.jpg?1351462529">

[Chip McShoulder]

For $2989, I can set you up with a bike that has my ground braking 3-in-1 dropouts:

<img src="http://www.machinehead-software.co.uk/bike/chain_length/horizdropout.jpg">

You can run single-speed, fixed, or even geared (with new wheel, and derailleur, not included)!

And! At no additional cost, we'll include the 3-in-1-2-by-4 kit, allowing you to change the rear triangle spacing from 126mm to 130mm!

[tehschkott]

i see what you did there

[Chip McShoulder]

Want to run brakes, shifters, or brifters? Use our 3-in-1 cable guide system!

Or don't! Cable guides stay attached to this amazing bike even if you're not using them, and weigh next to nothing (for all you weight-conscious Lance Armstrongs!)

Thirsty? The ∞-in-1 downtube braze-ons on this truly versatile bike will not only allow you to carry water, but virtually any consumable liquid!

Want to sit down? The amazing ω-in-1 cylindrical opening on the seattube fits an unlimited combination of seatposts and saddles, allowing you to ride comfortably far longer than you would be otherwise able!


literally billions and billions of configurations

<img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Iy5WWtdCTX0/SSi3Wop7eAI/AAAAAAAAEQg/n_Y6j4sfoCg/s400/IMG_9695.JPG">

[caustic meatloaf]

Tired of riding your square-wheeled bike? So bumpy! So SLOOOOOW!

Thanks to hundreds of hours of designing on CAD, using the latest in composite metals and plastics, and with the aid of a trained scotsman, we have developed wheels that will truly revolutionize the cycling world.

Because they are round.

Circambulo was founded by 150 midget engineering graduates who all simultaneously came up with the idea that round objects roll better than objects that are not round.

Strange? Ground Breaking? Hard to Believe? Allow Doc, one of Circambulo's founders, to explain this ground breaking technology:

"We at Circambulo did hundreds of hours of testing in our Keokuk, OH laboratory, and tapped into the deep talent pool of the metro area to reach our conclusions. In short, round things are not as bumpy, or as we like to say at Circambulo, round things are rounder. What's round? More like, what's round?"

But Circambulo needs your help, and your investment.

Firstly, we need to use italics in more often and meaningful ways. But more importantly, we need funding.

With a $400 contribution, Circambulo will sing Barbershop Quartet, all in italics.


With $800 in contribution, Circambulo will add in a cool t-shirt, using the Helvetical font, with a line-drawing of one of our prototype round wheels.

With $1500, you can have your way with any Circambulo employee, up to and including placing a beer one one of the midget engineering graduates head while they perform genital stimulation (top secret prototype research, with your help!).


Hurry! We only have limited spaces for these unique investment levels, and they will fill fast!


Circambulo. Rounder is rounder.

[tehschkott]

[lantius]

<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/lansey/loud-bicycle-car-horns-for-cyclists">Derrick was into bike horns before they were cool</a>.

Also, $43,000 total to implement this product?

[derrickito]

pshaw, mine had an air horn and a battery big enough to let it run for a day or two nonstop.

i gotta put that thing back on my bike. it's been too long since i've equally infuriated you all so completely.

[Andrew_Squirrel]

If you angled it just right, the air horn might be a great place to launch a bottle rocket from.

[Chip McShoulder]

[lantius]

Technically related. The <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thebropener/bropener-turn-anything-into-a-bottle-opener">BROpener</a>.

Best places to install the BROpener

Install the BROpener wherever you open bottles the most and you will never be without a bottle opener!

You on a boat? Sweet! Put one on the port and starboard side, fore and aft and you can swill beers on the high seas with your friends.

In college? Be cool, stay in school. But you need to have fun while you are there so put one on your bunk bed, mini fridge or all over your frat house!

Bartender? Be the coolest and most efficient bar tender in your city.

Like to tailgate or enjoy a few beers after a day on the slopes? Me too. Put one on the back of your truck or the side of your beer cooler.

Ever forget your bottle opener when you are grilling? Not anymore. Put one on your grill. Boom.

Got a man cave? Nice man! However, it won't be complete without properly placed BROpeners.

Boat, College, Bar, Tailgate, Skiing, Grill, Counter, Bumper, Truck, Deck, Garage and anywhere else you can think of!

[caustic meatloaf]

Well, now I know what I'm getting everyone for christmas next year.

[tehschkott]

$35,000 dollars.

GTFO

[lantius]

<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/haleyjean/haley-builds-her-first-bike?ref=category">Haley Builds Her First Bike</a>.

$800 to build your first bike? Seriously?

<blockquote>Pledge $100 or more
0 backers
An original painting by me and a photograph of me on my new bike as well as a list of how you just made my life better!</blockquote>

Okay, seriously. What. The. Fuck. Kickstarter.

[lantius]

Oh man, another one. I'll wager that I could bend that seatpost in 5 minutes, Trebek.

<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/nexgenbike/nexibike-a-folding-commuter-bicycle?ref=category">Nexibike, a Folding Commuter Bicycle</a>.

<img src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/ksr/assets/000/301/241/e756041b83e9fe9f38a10058560c5fe7_large.jpg?1355230433">

And they only need to come up with $97,500 in the next two weeks.

[lantius]

Oh shit, I didn't watch the video before posting. The guy behind this (or at least acting as a terrible spokesman?) is the inventor of another "revolutionary" "game-changer" for human transportation: roller blades.
<img src="http://moremaor.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/blading.jpeg">

[jimmythefly]

How about NO?

[lantius]

[lantius]

[caustic meatloaf]

I see that Friendship is both Magic, and now susceptible to inflation.

[lantius]

[tehschkott]

[tehschkott]

[tehschkott]

[haulincolin]

[caustic meatloaf]

[blasdelf]

[fourfingersdown]

[Alex]

[tehschkott]

[Chip McShoulder]

[Alex]

Not sure if anyone noticed the new version of this webpage:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/loc . d-thats-lo

[tehschkott]

whoops!

[lantius]

[langston]

[caustic meatloaf]