Basic rules

1. Don't listen to Derrick.
2. Don't listen to Derrick!
3. Safety third.
4. If you do not know where you are going, do not sprint off the front.
5. Do not crash into people, you drunken moron.
6. Don't have more forum posts than miles riding with the group! Bike Sabbath miles don't count. Broken body parts? See rule 37.
7. No stopping for strippers until the ride has gone at least 10 miles, and everyone has had at least 3 drinks.
8. The above rule only applies to Derrick‽
9. Don't ask for help when your unlocked bike gets stolen. Seriously. We'll just laugh at you.
10. If you produce a keg be careful of someone trying to get you to go on a beer run.
11. If you insist upon wreaking dumbfuckery, be not surprised when you reap dumbfuckery.
12. Insults (and injuries) are temporary. Lolz are forever.
13. Calendar boys do what they want, run with 12 gangs, and only commit hate crimes.
14. Bikes do not belong on fires!
15. U-locks are melee weapons, not ranged.
16. Rule 14 does not apply to Derrick's bikes.
17. Don't stick it in crazy. (see Rule 71)
18. If you are unable to make it to a ride, you must inform Ben.
19. Beef will be handled per the details in Sub Paragraph A of the TOS.
20. Sarcasm will not be tolerated.
21. If you kill it, you eat it.
22. No Pets Allowed. Not on a leash, not in a trailer, not even in a box with a fox. You cannot bring your dog.
23. Chainwhip!
24. All forum polls must include "Swayze" as an option, or their results will be rendered invalid. "Peter J. Woodman" is an acceptable substitute.
25. Sometimes the shots/strippers/drinks we buy for you, aren't for you. They're for us.
    Protip: When Derrick offers you a bottle, he's not hooking you up.
    
26. Sleeping with .83 members does not guarantee you .83 membership, but we still encourage you to try.
27. Don't fuck with the grill.
28. Obey the Scout_Law.
29. It's not official until Andre starts a thread.
30. I roll a lot of L's.
31. Any woman is permitted to hit sketchy at any time.
32. Derrick handles Internet trolling on behalf of the group, using other members' names when applicable.
33. Please, do not pee in the pool.
34. If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.
35. Plan B is wolverines. It always has been. Don't let Planned Parenthood try to tell you otherwise.
36. Spoke Cards are earned after 3 rides and a race. Or if the printer & laminator "knows who the fuck you are."
37. Being a cripple does not void rule #6.
38. Either does being an emotional cripple. See the above rule.
39. Yes, but no; should have been rule number 1, but ya know, something else came up. Rule 18 then applies.
40. Do not eat the cookie.
42. Bring a towel. And a swimsuit.
50. .83 is not Critical Mass. Stop acting like assholes, unless you wish to be treated as such (see Sketchy).
54. Do not follow Ben up a mountain.
71. Don't let crazy stick it in you. (see Rule 17)
83. If it's on the internet and it involves point83 in any way, we'll find it. we may also try to use it against you in a chance for lolz.