Basic rules

1. Don't listen to Derrick.
2. Don't listen to Derrick!
3. Safety third.
4. If you do not know where you are going, do not sprint off the front.
5. Do not crash into people, you drunken moron.
6. Don't have more forum posts than miles riding with the group! Bike Sabbath miles don't count.
7. No stopping for strippers until the ride has gone at least 10 miles, and everyone has had at least 3 drinks
8. The above rule only applies to Derrick
9. Don't ask for help when your unlocked bike gets stolen. Seriously. We'll just laugh at you.
10. If you produce a keg be careful of someone trying to get you to go on a beer run.
11. If thou insists upon wreaking dumbfuckery, be ye not surprised when you reap dumbfuckery.
12. Insults (and injuries) are temporary. Lolz are forever.
13. Calendar boys do what they want, run with 12 gangs, and only commit hate crimes.
14. Bikes do not belong on fires!
15. U-locks are melee weapons, not ranged.
16. Rule 14 does not apply to Derrick's bikes
17. Don't stick it in crazy. This is actually also rule #1.
    Protip: Do not give crazy a baby.
    Protip: You can not "love" the crazy out.
    
18. If you are unable to make it to a ride, you must inform Ben.
19. Beef will be handled per the details in Sub Paragraph A of the TOS
20. Sarcasm will not be tolerated
21. If you kill it, you eat it.
22. No Pets Allowed. Not on a leash, not in a trailer, not even in a box with a fox. You cannot bring your dog.
23. If Fiddleybitz brings new girls to the club, you must make them feel welcome for three weeks before reverting to being your creepy, rapey self. The clock starts at 7:30pm of their first ride, and ends when they show up for their fourth.
24. Chainwhip!
25. All forum polls must include "Swayze" as an option, or their results will be rendered invalid. "Peter J. Woodman" is not an acceptable substitute.
26. Thursday night is for riding bikes. Thursday afternoon is for vandalizing wikipedia - ideally to highlight the contributions to society of a selected .83 member.[1][2]
27. Be advised: most of these rules are written by total noobs.
28. Sometimes the shots/strippers/drinks we buy for you, aren't for you. They're for us.
    Protip: When Derrick offers you a bottle, he's not hooking you up.
    
29. It is strictly forbidden for any member of this club to engage in any behavior that is even remotely sexist. Racism is alright, provided it doesn't cost us any sponsorships (cf. Wordfilters).
30. Sleeping with .83 members does not guarantee you .83 membership.
32. Everything you do while riding your bicycle is inherently safe. This includes drinking and wearing headphones. Even if you aren't wearing protection.
34. If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.
35. Plan B is wolverines. It always has been. Don't let Planned Parenthood try to tell you otherwise.
38. Yes, but no; should have been rule number 1, but ya know, something else came up. Rule 18 then applies.
42. Bring a towel. And a swimsuit.
83. If it's on the internet and it involves point83 in any way, we'll find it. we may also try to use it against you in a chance for lolz.